


you came to my birthday party

by thirteenxriver



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Mary is a Good Friend, Reader is sad, please forgive me for error its my first fic, two years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteenxriver/pseuds/thirteenxriver
Summary: one year after sherlock jumped. Mary dragged you to a party to celebrate your birthday. then you saw him.
Relationships: Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & Reader, Sherlock/Reader
Kudos: 51





	you came to my birthday party

It’s been two years.

Two years since you last saw him. Two years since his suicide. Two years since you lost the love of your life.

John moved out as he couldn’t take the memories. You didn’t, you couldn’t live without him. That’s why you still live in 221B. Mrs. Hudson is kind enough to let you live even if your payment comes delayed. There are nights that Mrs. Hudson and you would stay up and comfort each other. There are some nights only you have to deal with it. His stuff is still around. you couldn’t bear moving it. 

They say time will heal, but how come it’s been two years and you’re still bleeding? You can’t move on.

A year later, you saw the people around you start to move on. You’re not mad, you’re just disappointed at everyone including yourself. You wondered, how can they still act normal without Sherlock? What are you doing with your life? Are all of this worth it? The constant dull ache in your chest that keeps reminding you he’s not here anymore. You lost him.

You stared at your computer blankly. Two tabs were open, one is John’s blog and the other is your boyfriend’s website. Well dead boyfriend..

A tear slipped on your eye and you didn’t bother to wipe it with your sweaters. You turned your head towards the hallway that aligns straight to you and Sherlock’s room. A grunt came out of your mouth as you pushed your chair and stood up. You paused as you saw dots dancing in your view. When the dizziness went away, you beeline towards the bedroom.

The door was slightly ajar so you lightly pushed it as it creaked. Nothing much had changed except for the mountainous of clothes in your ramp indicating you haven’t done your laundry for days. You can still tell a hint of Sherlock’s smell even after all these years. 

You wandered your way to his closet, inhaling deeply. A purple greets your line of sight as you open the closet. His favorite shirt, yours too. 

After removing it from the hanger, you took a deep sniff and it took you back when everything was alright. You remember his music, gunshots because he’s bored, his cigarettes even if you already scolded him about it, everything about him. You smiled sadly caressing the cloth with sentiment. 

You removed your top then clothe yourself with his purple shirt. In your peripheral view, something catches your eyes. You saw his kit, the one he always brings in cases when he’s deducing the crime scenes. 

You sat down beside the bed as you brought the kit. A small magnifying glass was in it and you picked it up. Softly chuckling to yourself as you remembered thinking it was ridiculous of him being so dramatic and at the same time amazed how brilliant he was. 

Was. That’s it. Past tense. He’s gone. He will never come back.

The dull ache is becoming louder. Soon you were sobbing as you grieve the detective, hoping someone could hear you and ease the pain. But you knew deep down, there’s no one.

You are alone.

-

A ring stirred you awake. You groggily move your arms around only to find a hard surface. That’s when you realized you accidentally slept on the floor. You cried yourself to sleep. Sadness gripped you again.

Another ring has caused you to snap and hauled yourself, you reach to the desk where the ring came from. Picking up the phone as you groan, while rubbing your eyes. “Hello?”

“Happy Birthday Y/N!”

Oh. It’s Mary, John’s current girlfriend. It actually surprised how John managed to keep her long. Maybe because there’s no one that could keep his interest anymore. Sherlock does it. He keeps John interested that sometimes the latter unintentionally neglects his partners. However, not that he’s gone, he can actually have domestic life. Well at least someone is taking advantage with the situation. 

“Y/N? You there love?” 

You shook your thoughts, realizing you are still talking to someone. Oh yeah, it’s your birthday. 

“Hi, Mary.” Your voice croaked, indicating you just woke up. Clearing your throat, “Thanks.”

“Were you sleeping? It’s the middle of the day!”

You chuckled tiredly, “Yeah I think so. What’s up?”

“What’s up? It’s your birthday and we have to celebrate. Before you protest, you need to go out.”

There’s a pause before the other line sighed. “Look, I know it wasn’t easy. I may not understand the whole thing. But I’m pretty sure, he wants you to have fun.”

You can’t really blame Mary for wanting you to enjoy life. She’s right, Sherlock doesn’t want you to waste your life. He would want you to have fun too. Maybe this is another step in moving on. Although you’re not really sure if you can ever move on.

You sighed deeply, “Alright, where are we—”

A shriek of excitement was heard from the other line of the call, “Oh don’t worry about it sweetheart. I got it. Just dress up and I’ll pick you later by 7. John’s not coming because he has an appointment but—“

There’s some noise and shuffling in the phone call until you hear John, “Hey Y/N, happy birthday so sorry I can’t come and celebrate with you. This patient is really persistent with his appointment and I couldn’t—“

You cut him off, “John, it’s okay. Thank you though.”

You heard an alright after giving the phone back to Mary. “Mary where are we going?”

“We’re going to the club! See you later sweetie. Love you bye!”

“Wait please don’t.” You start but it was soon cut off when you realized that the line was already dead.

Judging by Mary’s tone and haste, you’ve concluded that you won’t be able to change her mind so you decided to move your arse and cleaned yourself up.

By the time you are ready, you heard a noise downstairs and distinguished Mary’s voice along with Mrs. Hudson. Immediately, you walked downstairs not because you’re excited but because you just wanted to get this over with. 

Bidding Mrs. Hudson farewell with a hug, you also thanked her for looking out for you. Even if everyone else had seemed to moved on, Mrs. Hudson never left you. Yes, she’s your landlady but she never fails to check up on you. You hope she could see how much you appreciate her with that hug, but it seemed like it did as she gave you a motherly smile. It made you tear up a bit but you kept your cool because you promised to give this night a shot. Especially on your birthday. 

-

“Why are you with me? Not that I don’t appreciate it but I thought you’d be helping John.” You shouted through the noise feeling tipsy. A drink on your right hand, while the other, holding Mary’s arm.

“Are you kidding? Of course I will not skip your birthday Y/N.” she shouted back, “Plus, John can handle himself. It’s not like he’s a baby or something. Although he can be sometimes, even with that mustache.” you see a hint of grimace on Mary’s face.

Letting out a drunk giggle, you said to her ear, “You don’t like his stache?”

Mary gave you a ‘are you serious’ look. You rolled your eyes, “If you didn’t like it then why don’t you tell him then?”

Mary’s eyes swam around, “Well I figure that it’s his way of coping after you know...”

Oh yeah. You averted your eyes not saying anything. Mary put down her drink including yours, then she rested her hands on your shoulders giving you a stern look. “Look, we are here to let loose and have a good time. Come on!”

You had no time to say anything since she already had you drag to the dance floor. Soon you both were laughing and waving your body to so-called dancing. Everybody seemed to have a good time, and for the first time, you feel like you could be happy. 

Letting yourself drown with the noise and energy, you danced without a care. Something in the back of your mind tells you that your dance moves are horrible but you didn’t care. It’s your birthday, you have the right for once to at least enjoy. 

Mary was convinced that she did the right thing as she watched you laugh and dance. Both of you continued to party until Mary had to excuse herself for a phone call. Probably it’s John, although you thought he wouldn’t dare interrupt your fun. But right now, you didn’t think about it. Mary asked if you could handle yourself, you grin at her telling her it’s fine. Then she walked off with her phone on her ear.

Closing your eyes you let yourself drown into the crowd and music while jumping to the beat. Twisting your body with style in an attempt to let go of your tense muscles that you had for months. 

When you opened your eyes, it was like slow motion. The music seemed to slow down too. Everything including the crowd danced in slowly as your eyes focused to one person you never thought you could see again. 

Now you felt sober, and all your energy had drained out. He can’t be here, that’s impossible. He’s dead Y/N.

You gulped as your eyes got blurry but you could still figure who that is. He looked just the same except for the eyes. Those eyes you always love, now it had projected with turmoils of emotions broiling in their depths. Taking a step back, you blinked waiting for him to disappear but he’s still there. No, it can’t be.

Concluding that you’re too drunk for this, you lost your mood to resume partying. So you walked away, hastily. Subconsciously hailing a cab and paying the driver, your mind is swarmed with questions and memories that you didn’t realize you’re back on Baker Street. 

Standing outside the flat, you remembered you left Mary so you only sent her a text that you didn’t feel good and that you had to go home and not worry for you. You also added an apology before sending the message. 

Sniffling and wiping the tears, you let yourself in. That’s when you felt it, rather smell it. You know the scent is there but the difference this time is that the scent is too strong. You blame it on the drink you had, but part of you was stupidly hoping that he’s still alive. Nothing to lose with hoping for the impossible right?

You took a step, whilst your sad eyes kept on the ground. Feeling like forever you managed to reach the top of the staircase. 

Your mind keeps on going back to what you saw earlier that you didn’t notice the time passing by as you only stood at the top of the stairs nor noticed the door ajar. The stabbing ache in your chest came back and more loud than before. You felt like you wanted to cry but there seemed no tears to be shed at this moment. Probably because you’re so tired and done with everything. So you just stared at nothing.

The only thing that made you snap was when there’s clattering noise on the other side of the door. Dazed and confused, you carefully pushed the door open to which creaked as you did so. 

That’s when you really thought you’ve completely lost your mind.

“Y/N...”

You gasped.

“Sherlock...”

A tear fell from his sad eyes as his bruised lip moved,

“Happy Birthday.”


End file.
